How to Say “You” in Korean: Why 너 Can Sound Rude

Level: Beginner · TOPIK 1-2

In English, “you” works for everyone: your best friend, your boss, a stranger on the street. Korean has several words for “you,” and none of them is safe for everyone. This post shows which ones to avoid and what Koreans say instead.

The Short Answer: Why 너 Can Sound Rude

너 is casual. It belongs with 반말 (casual speech), so you only use it with close friends your age or younger.
For everyone else, Koreans skip “you” or replace it with a name or a title.

Here is the same question, asked to two different people.

The polite version has no word for “you” at all. The polite verb ending already shows who you are talking to.

Part	Meaning
뭐	what
드시다	to eat (polite form of 먹다)
-(으)ㄹ래요?	do you want to…?

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Korean Words for “You” at a Glance

Textbooks list several words for “you.” In real conversation, most of them are risky.

Word	Who uses it	Safe for learners?
너	Close friends, same age or younger	Only with close friends
당신	Married couples (like “honey”), arguments, ads and songs	❌ Avoid
그쪽	Literally “that side.” Said to someone’s face, it sounds like picking a fight	❌ Avoid
자기	Couples (“honey”)	❌ Only with a partner
Name or title	Everyone	✅ The safe choice

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너, 너가, 니가: Who Can You Say It To?

너 changes shape with particles. With 가 it officially becomes 네가, but in everyday speech most people say 너가. (We covered how 가 changes words like this in 은/는 vs 이/가.)

Form	When Koreans use it
너, 너는, 너가	Friends who are the same age or younger
니가	Very close friends, younger siblings, sometimes couples
네가	The standard spelling. Common in writing

Age matters more than closeness. Even with a friend you like a lot, if they are one year older, 너 usually sounds disrespectful.

The second sentence mixes a polite title with a casual “you.” It sounds strange and rude at the same time.

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Why 당신 Is Not a Polite “You”

Many textbooks translate 당신 as the polite “you.” In conversation, it is almost never used that way. Said to a stranger, it can sound like you are starting a fight.

You will still see 당신 in a few places. Married couples sometimes call each other 당신, but there it means something closer to “honey” or “darling,” not a polite “you.” It also appears in advertising slogans and song lyrics, where it sounds warm. In everyday conversation, leave it out.

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What Koreans Say Instead

1. Drop “you” completely

This is the most common choice. If it is clear who you are talking to, Koreans leave the subject out.

2. Use the name + 씨

For coworkers or acquaintances around your age, use their given name and 씨. The full name + 씨 sounds cold between people who know each other.

Notice that Koreans repeat the name where English would say “your.” It sounds natural in Korean, not repetitive.

What about the family name + 씨, like 김 씨? You will rarely hear it in the city. It belongs to places like farming and fishing villages, where neighbors greet each other this way: 김 씨, 오늘 밭에 가요? (gim ssi, oneul bate gayo?, “Mr. Kim, heading to the field today?”). Close friends sometimes use it as a joking nickname. Otherwise, don’t use it.

3. Use a title

For teachers, bosses, and people older than you, use their title instead of “you.” Titles usually end in 님, which adds respect.

4. Use family words, even for friends

Koreans call older friends by words that mean “older sister” or “older brother.” A woman might say this to an older female friend:

🗣️ Native insight Why do Koreans say 언니 instead of a friend’s name? 언니, 오빠, 선배, 씨, 님: who to call what, and the ones that can backfire. Read the answer →

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Common Mistakes

❌ Wrong	✅ Right	Why
(To an older coworker) 너도 커피 마실래?	커피 드실래요? keopi deusillaeyo? Would you like some coffee?	너 and 반말 are for people your age or younger.
(To a shop clerk) 당신 이거 얼마예요?	이거 얼마예요? igeo eolmayeyo? How much is this?	당신 sounds confrontational. Just drop it.
(To a coworker you just met) 언니, 회의 언제예요?	민지 씨, 회의 언제예요? minji ssi, hoei eonjeyeyo? Minji, when is the meeting?	Family words are for friends. Using them too soon also suggests the person looks older.

🗣️ Try It Today

Pick one and use it with a Korean friend today.

성함이 어떻게 되세요?
seonghami eotteoke doeseyo?
May I ask your name? (Very polite.)

식사하셨어요?
siksahasyeosseoyo?
Have you eaten? (A common greeting.)

저희 동갑이에요?
jeohi donggabieyo?
Are we the same age? (저희 is the polite “we.”)

혹시 시간 괜찮으세요?
hoksi sigan gwaenchaneuseyo?
Do you have a moment, by any chance?

호칭은 어떻게 하는 게 좋을까요?
hochingeun eotteoke haneun ge joeulkkayo?
How should I address you? (Very polite.)

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Summary and Quick Quiz

Talking to…	What to say
A close friend, same age or younger	너 is fine
Someone older, or someone you just met	Drop “you” and use polite verb endings
A coworker around your age	Name + 씨 (민지씨)
A teacher or boss	Title + 님 (선생님, 팀장님)
An older friend	언니, 오빠, 누나, 형
Anyone in conversation	Avoid 당신